Life isn't just black and white and neither are shoes

I had been away on a business trip and I was "late".  I was so excited to tell my husband the exciting news.  We wanted nothing more then to start our family.

I got down to business and scheduled my first Dr appointment.  Six weeks is a long time  - but even longer when you have a secret that nobody knows about.  The day finally arrived for my first visit and don't you know I put a lot of thought into what I was going to wear.

I wore a pair of cargo pants (since everything else I owned was getting to be too tight) and my off-white Sketchers Tone-Ups sweater clogs size 6.  Now, I never believed in the B.S. of Tone-Ups and to this day I still don't, but for a newly pregnant woman, there is nothing like a pair of shoes you can wear to work that feel like slippers!  Tone your butt - crap!  Make your already aching back feel pretty good after walking around all day - you better believe it!

I went to my appointment and was really glad I was wearing those shoes - simply for the amount of times I had to take them off and put back on!

Those were my go-to shoes during my pregnancy.  I wore them with cargo pants, jeans, sweatpants and I think I even tried to wear them with a dress - but realized I look truly ridiculous and there was no need to become a fashion faux pas.

I also owned a pair of the Sketcher Tone-Ups sweater clogs size 6 in black.  I donned them almost as much as the off-white ones.

But I have a different memory with the black pair...

I was going in for my 10 week check-up.  It was pouring rain in mid-April.  Spring hadn't quite sprung yet, so the sweater clogs were still fair game.

I was excited because at 10 weeks is when you can sometimes hear the heart beat and though this was still our little secret - it was going to be the time when we could start to tell our near and dear and to celebrate outwardly.

Except, there was nothing to tell.

1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and we were that one.

I was heart broken and just broken in general.

I remember as I trudged to my car in a stupor in the rain, how silly I was for wearing sweater clogs in this weather and not rain-boots.  My socks were soaked through and the bottom of my pants were all muddy.  Funny - the things you think about in a state of shock.

I did not tell this story because I am looking for sympathy, in fact, quite the opposite.  I am telling this because it is so common, yet no one talks about it, so when it happens, you sometimes feel so alone.  That is until people start coming out of the woodwork divulging that it happened to a cousin, a friend or even themselves.  I want people to know from the beginning that they do not need to feel alone and that there are many of us out there who have "walked in their shoes".

I am putting this out there because remember in those hard times that life is not always black and white  - and neither are shoes.

As a footnote I know someday soon, I will be donning those sweater clogs with a pair of cargo pants and a pregnant belly to boot!  (puns not intended)